After a month-long hiatus, I am back and active on dA. I usually don't like to post a lot of personal stuff about myself but I've only been back for 24 hours and already several people have gotten on my last nerve. Trust me, now is not the time to be starting arguments with me. You will be verbally eviscerated and this is why:
1. I have a chronic headache problem that was made worse when I was hit by a car in 2007 (the SECOND time I was hit by one, by the way). I fractured my collarbone and got six staples in my head. The paramedics said the only reason I even lived (my head hit the pavement pretty hard) was because the thick winter hat I was wearing cushioned the blow. Now I have headaches at least a dozen times a month, that come on without warning at random times on random days so I cannot even stick to a schedule. Hence, why it's impossible for me to hold down even a part-time job. Because of this, I have been forced to apply for disability and I am not happy about this because like anyone, I would prefer to have a job and be independent. In June I was forced to give up my beautiful apartment that I had for 7 years because I could no longer afford it, and now I have moved back home with my mother (who is retired and lives on a fixed income) and brother (who has been mentally handicapped since he was 6 months old and also receives government assistance). The apartment we live in is subsidized by the government. I don't mind being back here but it's been hard to adjust living with people again after 7 years of being alone.
2. On Halloween I was staying over a friend's house. This is male friend of mine I have known for a long time and he is like a brother to me. However, I have never liked his mother because she is bossy, overbearing, controlling, Bi-Polar and downright evil. She has gotten drunk and confided to me that she wished she'd aborted her son because he is a huge disappointment to her (I would, of course, NEVER tell him this because it would break his heart and believe me, it breaks my own heart every time I think about it). She was in an abusive relationship with a raging alcoholic for 20 years and only tolerated it because he was a rich successful businessman and paid for EVERYTHING – including her beautiful house steps from the ocean. Trust me, she's a part-time English Professor at a community college and could never afford property like that on her salary. When he died, she inherited a huge chunk of money. She never got along with her own mother but when the mother got sick, she took her in and took care of her. She inherited her mother's entire estate. The same thing happened with a sick uncle. Now she's dating a rich nuclear engineer. Why am I telling you this? Because she had the nerve to start screaming at me that night when she asked how I was doing and I told her I could no longer work because of the headaches and was in the middle of applying for disability. She implied that she didn't believe me, that I was just lazy and probably didn't WANT to work. Trust me when I say dealing with all this government red tape is a fucking nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I was so shocked, hurt and appalled at what she did to me that I am no longer comfortable visiting my friend when she is there. I tolerate her only for his sake. He is my best friend and it's not his fault his mother is gold-digging lunatic. It took all the willpower I had to bite my tongue and tell her, “Well, sorry that not all of us can make our money on our back, bitch.”
3. A week later I woke up in excruciating pain. It felt like heartburn from hell. I went to the Emergency Room and it turned out to be gallstones. I was admitted and my gallbladder was surgically removed the next night. The post-op pain and soreness has been agony though it is slowly getting better, my full recovery may take up to 2-3 months. The thought of having to live like this for another several months is depressing but I remind myself that there are plenty of other people who have it worse . I can walk and stand but anything beyond that hurts. Just bending over to pick up something off the floor hurts. I have ventured outside the house twice since the surgery and just a few hours of activity totally exhausts me. I am not used to having people help me do simple things like walk to a mailbox to mail something, help me with laundry and grocery shopping. I am used to doing everything by myself and it's been hard to adjust to this.
4. On top of that, I then got a nasty cold so the headaches were really bad for a while. I then got a horrible rash over 90% of my body when I took a bath and used some soap that caused an allergic reaction. I've been dealing with THAT for the past 10 days and it's starting to improve. It's hard to get a good night's sleep because of the soreness in my belly from the surgery so my energy level is low. Most days I can go a few hours feeling fine and alert and then suddenly I just want to sleep. I've finally been feeling inspired and creative again but it's frustrating because I have to try to get as much done as I can while I still have the energy to do it – as opposed to before all of this when I could go for hours and hours non-stop.
5. This week the local government told me they were suspending my food stamp benefits because I didn't submit some required paperwork to them on time. Of course I appealed it, explaining that I was in the hospital and unable to get to the post office and sent them copies of the discharge papers as proof....because I know that's what they would ask me for. I am confident I will get my benefit back soon but between that and having to bother my neurologist for ANOTHER note excusing me from yet ANOTHER jury duty request, having to dig up and photocopy massive amounts of paperwork and documents to submit with all these claims I have to file to get these services I need because I have no income has increased my anxiety level tenfold.
6. Suffice to say....I am dealing with a lot and trying to hold onto what little sanity I have left. My sense of humor is the only thing that keeps me from going insane, and making all these comical memes, LOLS and artwork is how I cope with my stress. Some days I have no choice but to laugh at all this stress the universe has suddenly decided to throw at me....all at once now. They say the Creator never gives us more than it thinks we can handle and so spiritually I believe this. I keep reminding myself of this whenever the stress starts to get to me and I feel like I am going to break. Some nights I cry myself to sleep, other nights I thank the higher ups for showing me that I DO have the strength to deal with it because well...here I am. I'm alive, I have a roof over my head, I have wonderful supportive friends and family and now I have a new computer and a more reliable internet connection – I mention that last part because at this point, the internet is my main form of socialization and without it I would be even more depressed than I already am.
So with that said – DO NOT START GETTING NEGATIVE WITH ME. Because I am polite and do not like to single people out, I will not name names of who has said things to me that I thought were rude and uncalled for, not to mention petty and silly IMHO. If my sense of humor offends you, then take me off your watch list and don't bother to make comments on the things I post that you don't like for whatever reason. Normally this kind of thing doesn't bother me but as you see, I have been dealing with more than enough stress – and it's all coming at me at once – so I have no patience for bullshit right now! If I were to actually reply to you and tell you what I really think, you would fucking cry, OK? I am a nice tolerant and patient person but you really do not want to get on my bad side. It's not a side of myself that even *I* want to see.
That said – one project I am working on involves contacting all the artists whose Wraith artwork I would like to add to my Wraith Fan Page on Facebook and there are a lot of you so it is going to take me some time but it will be worth it to get the permission to post it there. The FB page is always getting new likes because there are many fans on there who either do not have dA accounts or have not heard of dA and I think the work you people do on here is amazing so I want to help promote it and show it to the rest of the world. We are a small but loyal group of fans so I am thrilled whenever I have a chance to get acquainted with new fans of the show (SGA) and the Wraith. So you will all start hearing from me over the next few weeks and months about adding your stuff to the fan page. I've already posted hundreds of photos with the artist's permission and I've even give galleries to the ones who have the most work to share. As always, everyone gets credit for their work with a link to their page here on dA so that people can come check the rest of it out themselves. If you want to simplify this process for me, feel free to check out the page for yourself and if you like it, send me a PM with permission to post your work.
Thanks for listening. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming......